Hallmark movies and presents under the tree and Christmas and the days until pitchers and catchers report and little seedlings peaking their heads above the dirt and covering them up before a frost and telling them to stay warm and blooms opening to show their colors and hummingbirds and bluebirds and mockingbirds and birthdays and Opening Day and other holidays and monarchs and milkweed and Central Pastry and The Jug and Shaddock's and buying the kids clothes for school and the green tea set that Grandpa bought for Granny and the settee and why did we call it that anyway it sounds kind of pretentious and the hutch and the Christmas cactus that might be a Thanksgiving cactus instead and whatever it is I hope we're taking good care of it and the little caterpillar watering thing and driving past The Beach Waterpark where I wondered if it was all a dream and the hospital where it was most definitely not a dream and if I'm being honest then sometimes I just want to let out a goddamnit in such a way that people think I'm Les McCann singing Compared to What and Mom would be appalled by that and Grandma too and I'm not proud of it either and I don't say it out loud but I think it and more than that I feel it and covid and doctors and nurses and December 5th and there are many more things that make me think of my mom.